You and I

You: So, what's happening in...
I: Life? Well, its treating me well these days. What about you?
You: Everything's okay. But I'm still confused about.....
I: Career? Relationships? Life, in general?
You: That. And a lot more.
I: I'm hungry.
You: What do you want to eat?
I: Garlic bread. Remember our first date?
You: uumm, yea.
I: We went to that Pizza place. I ordered....
You: I remember, you ordered one portion of Garlic bread.
I: I want to tell you sooo much stuff.
You: Yes please.
I: That day in college......
You: About placement? I read your post.
I: You still.....
You: Read your blogs? Yes I do.
I: Do you want to go out for a walk?
You: Sure. I'd love to.
I: But you never liked walking.
You: I do now. I now totally understand why you love walks.
You: Whatever happened between the two of us has definitely...
I: Changed us? For the better I suppose.
I: Its okay, you know. Relationships don't always have to.....
You: Work out? Yes. No regretting the time we spent...
I: The memories we shared. I'll always....
You: Cherish the good times? Yes, me too.
You: I'm really sorry for everything. I was confused then. Didn't know how to.....
I: Deal with it? Its okay. I had problems too.
I: We should meet more often and....
You: And?
I: Just talk.

CATing the Bell

Because I blogged about the placement day too.

Being drastically under-prepared, 29th october seemed like a fairly normal day. Dad kept asking me to prepare as hard as I can for CAT. I said I was having problems certain kind of questions in quant section. On insisting, I showed some to dad for he was always an ace at math. He came, he saw, he tried and then said "theek hai, jitna hota hai utna solve karke aana."

I thought I was possibly the most unprepared CAT aspirant, until Nitin called. We both agreed on "strong beer peekar sabhi sections strong ho jaate hai." The test center was located at possibly the most interior corner of Ahmedabad. Suddenly, I felt good about the location of my college. A minute or two past the reporting time, we were split according to our respective exam center codes. What happened next was a series of secutrity checks, just one less than me saying "aunty, please stop groping me". We were then escorted to our respective computers by a bunch of not-so-pretty looking invigilators. I understand the prometric ID card, but what was up with the horrendous waist coat like jackets? Most of them spoke english in a made up accent. I looked at the system clock there was another one hour to kill before we could start the test. And azeetees, we were having difficulties logging into the system. The invigilator (ohbtw, there were around 10 of them in our room) tried multiple times but wouldn't happen. I looked to my left and saw a guy who was kind of staring at my computer screen. On striking up a conversation, I came to know that the guy was also an engineering student who got placed in the same company as I was. Normally, you'd go 'OMGWTF' at the chances of something like this happening. But then, 80% of the CAT aspirants are either engineers or engineering students and TCS recruits fuck loads of people. (if you're a true CAT aspirant, you'd be thinking about the actualy the probability of the event right now) But still, for a moment I OMG'd. To kill time, we talked and talked and talked a little more. Till one of the invigilator politely asked us to keep quiet. I'm pretty sure in her mind she'd be going "Shut the fuck up, bitches!". I observed some students in the room and wondered if they were as unprepared as me. I saw a guy who was constantly yawning. Didn't care to think why. A girl who was sleeping on the keyboard. After which I thought I should stop. Panic set in when I realised my phone is with dad. I almost imagined him going through my inbox which to be honest made me slightly uncomfortable. But then he's Dad! He wouldn't even care. Test started. We were first shown a 15 min test tutorial. A somewhat intense moment for me and as always a foolish song got stuck in my head. This time it was 'ooh la la ooh la la' from The Dirty Picture and just when I was about to click "start test" I went in my mind "Dude, vidya balan is actually busty!". test started. test ended before I could know it. All in all, I was pretty happy with the performance I'd put up. (no pun)
I waved Avanit a goodbye and saw my Dad waiting for me. Normal exchange of words happened. While returning back home, I kept thinking about the replies I was going to give to my relatives who'd ask "Beta, CAT kaisa raha?"
I haz a sad because a cat picture on a CAT blogpost is so fucking obvious.

Faking News: Questions on Ra.One included in CAT-2011

Since everyone on the internet has their own views on the movie and a blogpost dedicated exclusively to the expressions(or the lack of it) of Arjun Rampal, I thought the obligatory Ra.One blogpost is obligatory.Also, I've been wanting to do a FakingNews for quite some time now. So why not!

Ministry Of Human resources and Development has confirmed that Shah Rukh Khan has convinced them to include the questions based on Ra.One as a part of their marketing strategy.

On contacting Shah Rukh Khan, he stated that his strategy behing getting questions on Ra.One was to market the movie to the IIT/NIT nerds preparing for CAT relentlessly for months. "Hey R.S. Agarwal, Who's your daddy now?", a proud dimple faced Shah rukh khan.

"Kya aap paanchvi pass se tez hain? Oops, wrong question."



Stutdents leaving the exam hall looked not only surprised but also half-amused. "Instead of Reading Comprehension, we had a video of Ra.One trailer, I played the video thrice to see if Arindam Chaudhari videobombed"- a -taking-CAT-only-for-the-heck-of-it-student.

Some disappointed students' reaction was not so welcoming "Firstly, I happen to be a Salman Khan fan. Watching Shah Rukh Khan humping cars was disturbing. They left us completely baffled at questions on Akon. I mean, asking us the lyrics of the song Chammak Challo was a little too much. Seriously! And they seriously lost me when a question in the quantitative section included LIC G.One suraksha plan. "- NIT student, Jigar Sharma.

One of the questions asked in the exam was "Calculate the average number of Reality Shows per day in which Shah Rukh Khan has made an appearance. On considering the advertisements too, what is the percentage change?"

Overall, it was noticed that most of the students made their way to the nearest tea stall and were heard yelling expletives at the paper setter which was not so different from any other year. The rest of them took to facebook and twitter to post "FFUUUUU SRK!!!!111111"

Seven-Ten-Eleven

The other day when I was just about to hit the bed, I stopped to look at the balcony of my house brightly lit in soothing moonlight. It was 1.45 am. I stood in there for a while, recalling the events of 7th october, 2011.
Not sure about myself, but hundreds of students at my college were kind of waiting for that day to come. TCS campus placement day. While everyone else was busy preparing the aptitude test questions and polishing their technical concepts the day before, I made sure my resume and application form were printed and hair don't look the usual frizzy they do. 'Must start with something, dude', I thought. Went through the basics, check. Solve the sample papers, check. Tweet while doing above things, double check.

Nevertheless, I and Vaibhavi were one of the first people to reach the college that day. It didn't look that bad at 8.30 am I must say. Apart from clearing the tests and all, I was also concerned about managing my dupatta since it kept sliding off my shoulders. Irritating. About three hours later, after getting done with the aptitude test, I felt kinda low. Didn't attempt as many questions as I hoped to. Didn't know how many of them were correct. A tiny voice inside me said, well most of them should be correct anyway. But still. Same with Ishani. Results came in quick. Just when they were about to announce the results, I wanted to crawl up a dark hole and stay there for the rest of the day. But just 10 seconds later, I heard my name being called. And I went from "Fuck, I'm screwed" to "woah! really?!". Just then, Ishani's name got called to. I could see similar expressions on her face too. Just when they finished with annuoncing the names of those who qualified, I was told that I would be the first person to go for the next set of interviews. Need to prep up, I said. As I walked towards the lab, I tried to recall stuff about Java, Data Structures and Software Engineering. What is hash table? How is polymorphism implemented? Software testing metrics. DAMN! I couldn't remember any of those then. Must. Calm. Down. It always happens with that whenever I'm in an extremely intense situation, a very stupid song gets stuck in my head. This time it was 'No touching no touching, only seeing only seeing' from Damadam. Damn you Himesh! Contrary to what I had expected, the first interview went pretty well. Had to now wait for the second one. A rather long wait it turned out to be, but no complains. Meanwhile, we talked. And talked. And talked a little more. About interviews. HR stuff. and hundred other things. All I wanted to do was tweet all of it. But phone internet turned out to be a jerk. At around 5 pm in the evening, they called me in for the HR round. While I was waiting outside the lab, the teacher who was co-ordinating all of it said "next aapka turn hai". I was calm, but more like sleepy and a little exhausted. The interview was hardly anything I expected it to be. I blame my memory for not remembering the full name of college. Although, I was glad it ended. But post interview, I felt my chances of getting selected dropping to almost zero. We all were then asked to wait in one of the labs. Again, everyone else was chatting. taking pictures which were soon to become their facebook DPs. I went for a little walk. Sunset time yay! The college garden was peaceful. Till I saw Vaibhavi, Aashka and Parul. They narrated about their HR round. About half an hour later, they said that they were ready to announce the results. I stood next to Ishani and said "Dude, mera nai hoga yaar". She said the same. They started calling out names of the students who made it. Just when I lost all hopes (yet again) I heard my name being called. The OMGWTF! expression was soon replaced by a smile. And then again, Ishani's name was called out too. Yet again, same reaction. She kept on confirming with me whether they really said her name or not. As they were leaving the lab post announcement, I saw everyone breaking into hugs, some into tears and most into joy. As I and Ishani walked out towards the entrance, we kept hugging each other and recalling how hopeless we were then. I was happy since most of my friends got in too. Hug exchange kept happening (nothing controversial). I saw my mum and dad who were waiting for me and remembered how disastrous the beginning of the semester had been. But then I looked at them smiling at me and thought, life is good. :)

Cheers to my fellow classmates namely Ishani, Vaibhavi, Priti, Meera, Priyanka, Mittal, Parul, Bhoomi, Sanah, Mansi, Jinal, Utsav, Parth, Kushal and Jatin for making it as well. Good job.

Dealing with a breakup

Different people have different ways of dealing with a breakup. Tell anyone that you've just had a break and the most obvious reply would be 'been there, sister'. 'It ain't easy'. 'let me tell you how I got over that bastard'

- Some women like to drown their sorrows in melted chocolate. This is mostly accompanied by a romantic flick and tonnes of icecream and sobbing to 'Oh I miss him' moments. Little do they know that if they continue to do the same every night they'll end up with no other option but to miss the same ex, all their life.

- And then, some women engage themselves in worthless money swallowing activity like a makeover. Dude, had you done your hair and makeup before your boyfriend wouldn't have left you. What I don't understand is how can a haircut make you get over your ex? I mean, this just doesn't make sense. Its like, they go to the beauty parlor and hand the owner their credit card. Yeas, fuck this credit card. "My dad just transferred shit loads of money in my account. Take it bitch". They end up looking so different(not in a good way, mostly) that their parents refuse to recognize them. They go like "who's this bitch? What did she do to our daughter?"

- Some women just cannot believe that they're no more in a relationship. Or well, to be blunt, their boyfriend just dumped them for a hotter one. Which is why, on being asked about the breakup, they'll simply say "Oh, it was mutual". Mutual breakup what the fuck. We all know that such a thing doesn't exist. Also, these are the kind of women who'd innocently ask about their ex's current girlfriend pretending to not give a fuck but in their head they'r going like "I'm gonna make your life hell, bitch". And the very next moment they're like "But i don't know how, so fuck it".

- Then there are some, who use the distraction theory. They engage in some time and brain(lol?) consuming activity to keep them busy and distracted all day. Mostly used by students. Its like, just after the breakup, they return to their study, pick up a book which was lying in dust and never meant to be read until a week before exams and in their head they go like "I'm gonna fuck the shit outta this book tonight and challenge stephen hawkings for a science quiz tomorrow". Some actually succeed. On getting the report card, they stare in amazement and go "What! I topped?! How did this fuck even happen!"

If you ask me, just let it go. You may miss the person, which is okay. You may even want to cry, which is still okay. Its all okay unless its not some crazy shit you wish to do. We all stumble, fall down, get back on our feet and resume walking. Thats life. :)

[Note: many more categories are still left unexplored!]

When I put the 'I' in sigh

So yea, I've been pretty pathetic. Things haven't been that well on any front and I couldn't come up with a better beginning of this blogpost. All I want is a break. But from what, is this question. Not like I'm putting 18 hours a day of CAT preparation or even anything remotely productive in academics. But still, I want a break. With each passing day, it just gets more and more difficult. Ok maybe not, last sentence was nothing but an exaggeration. But still, no exaggerations when I say 'last 20 days were certainly the worst ever 20 days of my life.' Or maybe not, maybe the worst is still to come. Or maybe the worst is already over.

When my life was busy getting screwed, I realised nothing really has changed in the world. Emran Hashmi continued being the pathetic actor he always was and still getting the some of the hottest actresses of Bollywood to make out with him. People stopped posting random quotations as facebook statuses and so did the comments like "Hey........wht happened????????" Rather, they started talking.... I mean, posting in circles ;) And yes ofcourse, the 'indomitable' spirit of Mumbai.

So that was it, atleast for now. The funny blog posts should come back soon. Or lets hope they do. Till then, lets do what we generally do. Checking into twitter/facebook/google+ for the lulz.

Oh and btw, since Harry Potter and the deathly hallows-2 released today, I was suddenly reminded of my teenage crush, Daniel Radcliffe. A crush that lasted for about two movies. I still wouldn't miss this one, for old times sake.

Morning without masala chai

Some movie had this dialogue 'With great power comes great responsibility'. But very often I have seen that super powerful people are usually the ones who duck it. They can make a difference, but they don't. They simply delegate it. They can make things right, but they choose to use the power to chicken out. And not to stand up for those who need it.

Of internet and fights

Ok, I agree that online fights have their own advantages over oral altercations. Internet fights may still make sense when they support/disprove an issue. But its plain rubbish when the fight is out of personal disagreements. The brighter side of it is that you could say whatever you want without fearing the *consequences* and shit. But look at the darker side. Ok here

- You're having a heated argument over whatever little issue. The other person has slandered you enough and the score is loser vs bigger loser : 1-0. Your turn. And just when you're about to press enter, well you get disconnected. Final score: Loser- 1, bigger loser- 0, internet- 1000

- *that orgasmic feeling when you've sent a carefully crafted insult flavoured with abuses you came up with*. That. Well, now obviously you're expecting the other guy to behave in a certain manner. By certain I mean either typing a bigger insult than yours or saying 'hhmmmm......ffuuuuuuuuuuuuucccck you' and going offline. But but but, to your amazement he/she sends 'Hey i gtg, ttyl sweets. Bye gn sd <3 :*'. Its like, none of your actually made an impact. And even if they did, there's no way to know. Sad indeed.

- We all must agree that the disparity bet'n typing speeds do exist. And its highly possible that you might be the slower one. *Loser is typing a message*. After one minute, *Loser is still typing a message*. After 3 minutes, *there's a reason why he's called loser*. Thats it, the other guy's patience has been tested, So while you're typing/ checking for typos and grammatical errors for the 3rd time, the other person sends the message 'what a retard!' and goes offline. Embarrassment could have been averted had it been a verbal argument, no?

- Again, suppose you feel triumphant after typing a 100 word insulting reply. But alas, the feeling is short-lived. Under ordinary circumstances, you expect a longer reply. But all you get is 'Mail me the precis tomorrow.'. Irritating, no?

- Also, the online fight ends the moment the other loser spots a grammatical/spelling error. You're pwnd, live with it.

- Now you're wondering why the person you're fighting with isn't replying back. For the heck of inflating self esteem, you presume that he's got nothing sensible to offer. Well yea, pretty much. But little did you know that your opponent wasn't even paying attention to your messages (author's assumption). That's because you find yourself tagged in a picture as a result of some retarded facebook application. Typical abeyaar moment.

I still remember you

I'm not really into poetry and this is my very first attempt at writing one. Largely based on a friend's poetry. Look mom, I can be emo too!

Remember those parks wherein we used to walk?

Hand in hand, those idle talks?

The grass is still green, had always been

But the flowers of my heart, bloom no more.

Remember the dusk, the setting sun?

Those naughty talks, nonsensical puns?

The evenings are still the same, beautiful as ever

But at the end of the day, I await no sunshine.

Remember those restaurants, wherein loved to eat?

Amidst the crowd, listening to each others heart beats?

They still serve the same dishes, savory as ever

The plates may be full, but my heart remains empty.

Remember those phone calls, late night texts?

And the half asleep me, talking completely out of context?

The phone still rings, inbox still floods

But the reason to smile at my phone, exists no more.

I met you today, glances exchanged

The longing in the eyes, still unchanged.

My brain asks me to move on, heart tells to stand still

And how I realised, without missing you, I remain incomplete.

Osama's Last words

Just another blog on Osama Bin Laden. It somehow also proves that I exist.
Below mentioned are the possible last words of O.B.L. to the Navy Seal just minutes before his death.

1. Where's my pizza? Ohwait, you're not the pizza delivery boy. [from twitter]

2. Wasn't this a hide and seek game?

3. Play 'choli ke peeche kya hai' at my funeral.

4. Stop ogling at my wife, bitch.

5. There was no internet connectivity anyway.

6. This is what you get for watching 'Naughty at Forty'.

7. Niggaplease, I was preparing for CAT here.

8. Abottabad sounds funny, no?

9. I could kill you with 'my gun'. *cheesy voice* [well, little did he know that only arabs have a thing for the thing]

10. Hey, don't judge me. *hides his laptop which had this picture as the wallpaper. [credits: Denny George]

11. Damn you steve jobs, I know you were upto something! *smashes his iphone* Related story

12. You didn't even ring the doorbell.

13. Don't let Mahesh Bhatt make a movie on me.

14. I'm that dude from 'Tere Bin Laden'. Ok, that was lame.

15. Doremon's gadgets are better than yours. [see for yourself]

16. Fuck you all, I'm gonna get 72 virgins. Yay! :D

17. But first, help me with this smiley. What does ' :x|' mean?